Wednesday, November 23, 2022

MY LIFE - 2022

It had been almost three years since the coronavirus hit our country. Coronavirus is a group of viruses that cause a variety of respiratory, gastrointestinal, and neurological diseases in humans and other animals. In 2019, it became a major pandemic. It affected different people in different ways. There were several theories about how it entered the U.S.

A rush was made to create a drug to combat the virus. Several pharmaceutical companies released vaccines to help prevent infection. Like the good, law-abiding citizen I was, I received my two recommended Moderna injections. Most of my friends did the same. Schools shut down, people began working from home, and churches either closed or held parking lot and online services. Hospitals were over capacity and severely understaffed. Families weren't allowed to stay with their loved ones, and many died alone. Funerals were reduced to graveside services with only immediate family present. Restaurants became carryout only, with many closing due to staffing shortages and financial strain. People stayed home, and curbside pickup became the norm for groceries. Zoom and online classes became the default for schools. Masks were mandatory in nearly every situation. When schools reopened, students were required to wear masks, which caused many issues. Even nearly three years later, masks were still required in most hospitals, doctors' offices, and medical facilities.

For the most part, I lived my normal life, though I didn't go out as often. Our monthly Hillcrest get-togethers were put on hold. My sisters and I stopped going out weekly. But by December 2021, life was beginning to feel more normal.

On the Tuesday night before Christmas, I went out to dinner at Shoney's with my sisters June, Phyllis, and Mary, my brother-in-law Stan, and my grandson Jonathan. We had a great time. Everyone felt good; no one was sick. The next day, I had a doctor's appointment to receive an injection for my low hemoglobin. Afterwards, I met Jonathan at El Chico’s for lunch. While eating, Jonathan had to use the restroom twice. Just before we left, I also needed to go. As I was walking back and heading for the door, I suddenly felt flushed and faint. I debated letting Jonathan drive but chose to drive us home myself.

Jonathan left for North Carolina on Thursday, and I began to feel worse. By Sunday, I felt terrible and decided to take a COVID test. It was positive. My condition worsened, so my daughter-in-law took me to a walk-in clinic. I tested positive again and was prescribed two medications. I started taking them but didn’t feel better.

Jennifer came from North Carolina to check on me. I barely remember her visit. She urged me to go to the hospital. It took all my strength just to get to the car. We went to Fort Sanders Hospital. The waiting room was packed. After several hours, I was finally admitted. That was January 4. I would remain there until February 22, when I transferred to North Carolina for rehab. During my stay, I was moved to various rooms and became the second patient admitted to the new Fort Sanders Specialty Select unit. Staff was limited, and many of the nurses were traveling nurses.

Most of my time at Fort Sanders is a blur. I needed oxygen due to difficulty breathing. The only thing that kept me off a ventilator was my history of healthy lungs. I started on a high dose of oxygen and was gradually weaned off. I couldn’t eat. Meal after meal would arrive, but I had no appetite, no taste, and painful sores in my mouth—what they called "COVID mouth."

I had no strength. I couldn’t even roll over in bed. Sitting up was a struggle. Getting into a chair was impossible. I lost control of my bladder and bowels. I had to be cared for like a baby. I later learned that COVID had attacked my only remaining kidney—one had been removed 19 years earlier due to cancer. I’d had no prior issues with the remaining kidney, but COVID targeted it. Some of the medications may have made things worse.

Visitors weren’t allowed, but eventually, Jennifer was granted limited access. She brought food, cleaned my teeth, brushed my hair, massaged my feet, changed my clothes, and kept me hydrated. She filled my diffuser with essential oils. Nurses liked to visit my room because it smelled so pleasant. When they gave up hope, Jennifer did not. Byron also came when Jennifer returned to North Carolina. He brought food and comfort items. Josh couldn’t visit due to Amanda’s compromised immune system, but he stayed in contact. David helped when possible. Jon visited once under clergy credentials. I didn’t talk much on the phone but received many cards. Jennifer and Byron posted frequent Facebook updates. Many people prayed for me—and that’s what pulled me through.

Because I couldn’t eat, a feeding tube was inserted through my nose. It was painful, so they later replaced it with one inserted directly into my stomach. It was better. Then, due to kidney failure, I had to begin dialysis. A venous catheter was surgically placed. I underwent three surgeries: for the nasal feeding tube, the abdominal feeding tube, and the catheter. Dialysis took most of the day and was exhausting. One nurse, Diane Barker, stood out—she became a Facebook friend and still checks in. Sometimes, I would sing just to comfort myself, though my voice is now weak.

I had several doctors, including my nephrologist. One day I admitted I was depressed—understandable, given everything—and a psychologist began visiting. His sessions were brief and filled with Baptist jokes. He was well-compensated for them, according to my insurance statements.

One night, I broke down. I called Jennifer in the middle of the night, begging her to take me home. I wanted to bathe, lie in my bed, and say goodbye to my family. She refused. She said I wasn’t ready to give up. Byron said to let me decide, but Jennifer prevailed. Today, I thank her and Jon for not giving up.

Progress was slow. Blood was drawn nightly, leaving my arms bruised. Injections made my stomach worse. I dreaded nights. Gradually, I began to improve—eating a little, sitting in a chair. But due to poor staffing, I would sit for hours without help to return to bed. Physical and occupational therapy began helping me stand and take a few steps. I saw snow through the window. Then it was Valentine’s Day—Luke’s 16th birthday. Jennifer gave me a Valentine’s throw for my bed.

Eventually, a move to rehab was planned. My former workplace, Beverly Park Place (formerly Hillcrest Nursing Institute), was considered, but I didn’t think their therapy was intense enough. Jennifer advocated for Novant Health Rehab in North Carolina. After many calls, it was arranged. After 50 days in the hospital, Jon helped me into the car on February 22, 2022. We stopped at McDonald's to say goodbye to June and Phyllis. Byron and Mary also came. I ate part of a fish sandwich. It was the first time I’d seen them since December 21. They brought Christmas gifts.

After a four-and-a-half-hour drive, we arrived at Novant Health Rehabilitation, an affiliate of Encompass Health. Therapy was intense. I had to go to Northside Dialysis Center three times a week. The schedule was grueling—early transport, five-hour dialysis, late return, then four hours of therapy. I made some progress. I celebrated my 79th birthday there on February 24 with gifts and flowers. Two weeks later, I was discharged to live with Jennifer and Jon. I continued outpatient therapy and dialysis. Jennifer's church, Freedom Baptist, provided ramps and equipment. A lift chair made standing easier. I used a walker. I began to peel potatoes and prep vegetables. I was finally released from therapy.

I attended church for the first time on April 17. In May, we returned to Tennessee for David’s graduation from Crown College. My nephrologist reduced dialysis from three to one day per week, though attempts to stop entirely failed due to lab issues.

Summer came. I broke beans and canned 21 quarts. I froze okra and helped with tomatoes. I felt useful again. But June’s cancer diagnosis darkened our joy. I had one last outing with her in April. I saw her again later, but she was very ill. She passed on June 15, just shy of 89. That same morning, I learned Ronnie Lee, my nephew, had died unexpectedly at 40, leaving three young daughters. The family traveled back to Tennessee for both funerals.

Life continued. I resumed dialysis. I bought a canopy swing but rarely used it due to heat. I drove again for the first time on July 4. I had setbacks—I dislocated my shoulder and had my catheter replaced three times.

By September, I decided to sell my Tennessee home—a hard choice after 60 years on the same property. It was the only home Josh had ever known. Teri Williams, a family friend and realtor, sold it for top dollar. I closed on October 31. Byron’s family and Jennifer helped clean it out. We donated, discarded, and packed decades of memories. I would never again have my rose from James, nor see Pam’s burlap picture beneath the Christmas tree.

A new chapter began. I moved in with Jennifer and Jon. My nephrologist recommended peritoneal dialysis, which is done nightly at home and is gentler on the body. I needed access to a bathroom and couldn’t sleep well. I looked into independent living.

Just a mile from their home was Arbor Ridge. I toured it and immediately liked it. It had everything I needed—meals, a beauty shop, library, game room, and more. I signed the lease on October 31. Jennifer, Debbie, and the White boys helped furnish and decorate. I even bought a fireplace, just because I wanted one.

Now I’m settled in my new apartment. I’ve made friends and joined activities. Life will never be the same, but I’ve accepted that. I’m looking forward to the new year—and praying that none of us ever has to go through another year like 2022.

Thursday, November 17, 2022

My Sister Mary

"Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow? With silver bells and cockleshells and pretty maids all in a row."

When I think back to when Mary and I were young, I don’t have many clear memories. Our sister June, who is 15 years older than Mary, says she remembers Mary’s birth vividly. She had to take two weeks off from school at Central High to help care for Mom and Mary. As a result, she failed Algebra—but she made straight A’s when she retook it the next year.

I was five when Mary was born. By the time she was five, I was ten. When she turned ten, I was already fifteen and dating my future husband. Because of that age gap, we didn’t do much together as children. Most of our shared activities involved Jim and Bill. I’m sure we did the usual things—walking to and from school, playing in the yard and woods, and spending time with neighborhood kids—but our deeper connection came later in life, after we were both married with children.

One standout memory from our youth involves Mary interrupting a conversation between James and me at church. James had just yawned, and pesky little Mary stuck her finger in his mouth. He was not amused and told her, “I’m going to knock a knot on your head that even Oral Roberts can’t take off.” (For context, Oral Roberts was a well-known healing evangelist at the time.)

I gave Mary a 16th birthday party and invited all her church friends. She was just starting high school when I graduated in 1961. I married in 1962; she graduated and married in 1966. Mary was a bridesmaid in my wedding, and I was her maid of honor.

The next few years are a bit of a blur. Mary’s husband, Stanley, was drafted into the Army and served in Kentucky, Arizona, and Oklahoma. Mary joined him in Oklahoma, but I’m unsure about the other locations. Meanwhile, I was raising my children—Pam was three and Byron was three months old when Mary married. James was attending UT, and I was working at Levi’s to support us.

After the Army, Stanley began a long career with Bell South and graduated with high honors from the University of Tennessee. I’m not writing their full biography, just enough to set the stage.

Mary’s first child, Melissa, was born in 1968. I already had two children by then. In 1971, both of us welcomed babies: Mary’s son Jonathan was born on April 2, and my daughter Jennifer on April 24. They were close for many years.

Mary and Stanley built a house off Millertown Pike on Mary Emily Lane. I remember her hosting a 25th wedding anniversary party there for June and Onloe—perhaps a makeup for June’s failed Algebra?

In 1977, Mary and Stan moved to Franklin, Tennessee, due to Stan’s job transfer. Melissa and Jonathan started school there. With the house empty during the day, Mary grew homesick. A man from their new church offered her a job at his coffee company. She took phone orders, packed boxes, and managed various office duties for about a year before applying to the phone company where Stan worked. She was hired into a clerical position and remained with the company for 16 years in various roles.

Mary and Stan were always good to my children. Each summer, they took them for extended visits. I could always trust their home—it was a strong Christian environment. One summer, Jennifer even went to Disney World with them. Jennifer was in Melissa’s wedding, and Melissa was in hers. Our kids remained close, and Mary and Stan’s example likely influenced Jennifer’s choice to attend a Christian college.

After about eight years in Franklin, they moved to Murfreesboro so their children could attend a Christian school. They lived there for six years. One of my favorite memories is a family reunion they hosted in Murfreesboro. We had a talent show—Josh tiptoeing through the tulips, Pat as the laundry woman, and a barbershop quartet made up of James, Stan, Charles, and Ron. It was a day full of food, laughter, and unforgettable fun.

As their kids graduated and went to college, Mary again felt homesick. In 1991, they moved back to Knoxville. Sadly, our mother passed away in December 1992, and Stan’s mother passed the following August. Although their return was marked with sorrow, it allowed them to spend precious time with their mothers before they passed.

Missy & Bruce Barker

Melissa met her husband, Bruce, at Pensacola Christian College. He was from Michigan. Jonathan met his wife, Angele, also at Pensacola; she was from North Carolina. So, for a few years, Mary and Stan were busy planning weddings.

Melissa and Bruce settled in Lake Odessa, Michigan, where Bruce pastors Faith Bible Baptist Church and leads Faith Christian School. Melissa serves as an administrative assistant and Christian counselor. Their children include Sarah Conilee (named for our mom), Maxwell, and Cassia. Sarah and her husband, Nathan, have a son, Benaiah Evans Barker Goodson. They all live and work in Pensacola. Maxwell is engaged and works at Camp CoBeAc. Cassia is currently attending Pensacola Christian College.





Jon & Angele Williams

Jonathan and Angele have four children: Caitlyn, Josh, Chase, and Marenda. Jonathan is now the senior pastor at Bluestone Baptist Church in Danielsville, Georgia. Angele is an executive consultant with Rodan + Fields. Caitlyn and her husband, Andrew, live in Phenix City, Alabama, with their son Tobias and a second child on the way. Josh and his wife, Devin, live in Foley, Alabama, where he pastors Crosspoint Baptist Church. Chase and his wife, Rachelle, are evangelists based in Georgia. Marenda is currently at Pensacola Christian College. Jonathan’s children are musically gifted—they’ve made CDs and sung in many churches, with Josh writing much of their music.




Stan retired from the phone company after more than 30 years. He and Mary moved to Pensacola to be near Melissa and her family. They worked at Pensacola Christian College—Stan for 18 years, Mary for 14. After five years, Bruce accepted a pastoral position in Michigan, but Mary and Stan remained in Pensacola.

Five of their seven grandchildren are now married. All of them attended Pensacola Christian College, giving Mary and Stan the joy of sharing in their college experiences.

Here is a closing message from Mary:

“Where have the years gone? Stan and I retired from public work in 2017. It’s already been five years, and time keeps flying by. We’re still busy with church, our kids, and their families. This year has been especially hard for our extended family. All three of my sisters have been very sick, and our oldest sister, June, passed away in June. That same day, my nephew Ronnie Lee also passed. Our hearts have been heavy. Nearly everyone in our family contracted COVID this year—some cases were worse than others. Despite it all, we’ve managed some travel: we finally made it out west to see the Grand Canyon, and we’ve visited Ruby Falls, Niagara Falls, Canada, and taken many short trips. We don’t travel as freely as we once did; old age is catching up to us. Still, the Lord has been so good to us. Life would be unbearable without His abiding presence. We look forward to whatever years He gives us yet to come.”